Blast From the Past

Hey everybody. As expected, we've got friends from all over the globe, as well as the Earth. Here's an email (and our response) from a good friend in Africa.

From: Mr Kofi Olante kofiolante@eresmas.com
To: Fencing With Archers
Date: May 18 2005 – 7:00 AM
Subject: Emagerncy At Your Hand

Dear Fencing with Archers,

My name is Mr. Kofi Olante. I hail from the Federal Republic of Ghana, 41 years old and married with three children. I am the Director of Silver Global Security & Finance Services Limited, Ghana.

I have been working with SGS&FS Ltd for over sixteen years and within this period, I have watched African Heads of State and Government Officials use our company to move great sums of money to their foreign partners.

Now, the majority of the foreign partners claim these consignments BUT a fair number of them are left lying here unclaimed – the reason usually being that the Head of State or Government Official who deposited the money kinda died and (get this!) their deposits will remain unclaimed because the Certificate of Deposit is only available to the depositors (dead) or myself (!).

This is where you come in, friend.

I’m willing to go halfsies with you with all this money if you help me get it out. Write me back and tell me that you’re interested, and I’ll supply you with all the info, docs, yada yada yada that will facilitate your easy claim of the consignment.

Or, you can forward your Bank information to me if it is not convenient for you to travel, so that I can in turn forward the said sum into your account. This business is risk free as I have taken necessary preventive measures.

Expedite action is needed. My alternative email is:http://uk.f254.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?To=kofiolante11@yahoo.com or http://uk.f254.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?To=saverglobalsecuritycompany@teenmail.co.za

Yours faithfully,
Mr. Kofi Olante.Director of Silver Global Security & Finance Services Ltd
Ghana

From: Fencing With Archers
To: kofiolante@eresmas.com, http://uk.f254.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?To=kofiolante11@yahoo.com, http://uk.f254.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?To=saverglobalsecuritycompany@teenmail.co.za
Date: May 18 2005 – 10:03 AM
Subject: Emagerncy At Your Hand

Kofi!

What’s going on, buddy? Wow, we haven’t seen you since – dude, since Mary Lou Retton hit that vault landing in ’84! We were over at your parents house and we went crazy, remember? USA! USA! USA! We felt up your sister in the garage that night – good times.

So, Ghana. We guess you done Ghana-way! (‘gone away’ – we know, it’s stupid).

So what’s this I read: you’re married AND you’ve got kids? Three of them? “Congratulations!” And, might we add, “Holy shit!” Could have sworn you were gay, or at least asexual. You weren’t interested in anything back then, except for Star Wars figures, Kappa shoes, and stealing large sums of money from the schools’ cafeteria, book store, and bake sales! You little shit!

And what’s this “41 years old” stuff? We thought you were our age, we mean, yeah, you could grow a beard when we were all 8 and 9, but, 41 years old? Yeah, sure, wink-wink, nudge-nudge, say no more. We’ll just assume it’s for business reasons.

Speaking of, we have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about. Consignments? What, you been in Africa so long you forgot how to talk? Speak English, dude. At any rate, my brain melted after the 2nd paragraph, so, you know, what do you need money? You’ll just have to wait until we get our album out – unless . . . dude . .

What are the recording studios like in Ghana???? Can you hook us up? Cause if we can get this stuff produced on the cheap then we’ll be raking in buckets of money when it gets released. Los Angeles is hellified expensive. Get us to Ghana! You can write it off as a business thing dude, or, shit, we’ll play at your company picnic or something.

Dude, it’d be great to see you again, too. Seriously, check into it. Also, we heard that in some parts of Africa you can get a handjob and a sandwich for 10 bucks – is this true???

Alright, we’re outty, gotta rehearse. Write back when you can, and email some photos. Yeah, email some photos of your wife. Is she hot? How big’s her cock? Ha!

Later,

Fencing With Archers