Another Serious Post

We here at Fencing With Archers were deeply affected by the events in New Orleans, because we have friends there, but also because it is one of the greatest cities in the country because of its music, culture, attitude, and sights. We have walked down these same streets, and hope to do so again soon, so please go to www.redcross.org and send help. These people, and this great city, need help, so please donate whatever you can. We need to bring back the Crescent City!

Welcome Back Hockey

We understand that the NHL is going to have to do a lot ot win over fans, but some teams haven't figured this out. Apparently our hometown Los Angeles Kings, are favoring the idea of not only pissing off their fans, but also their corporate sponsors as well, specifically Fuji.

Oops!

Sorry, for so few posts this week, but a lot has been happening in the world of Fencing With Archers. Like what? We're not going to tell you because it's our business not yours, but just know that it deals with really hot chicks, and us being with them. Now for the funny. Wouldn't you hate to open your mail and have this happen to you?

LaChania Govan said she got bounced around by her cable company when she called to complain. She made dozens of calls and was even transferred to a person who spoke Spanish — a language she doesn't understand.

But when she got her August bill from Comcast she had no trouble understanding she'd made somebody mad. It was addressed to "Bitch Dog."

"I was like you got to be freaking kidding me," said Govan, 25. "I was so mad I couldn't even cuss."

Govan said the only thing she did to Comcast employees that might be considered rude came after a few dozen calls when she felt she was treated shabbily. "I did tell them, 'You know what, it has to be a qualification to work for your company that you have to be rude,'" she said.

Govan said she talked to a supervisor and he offered her two months free service, which she turned down.

Finally Wednesday, about two weeks after she got her bill, somebody from the company left a message on her answering machine in which the caller apologized.

Comcast officials said it shouldn't have happened.

"We only use the actual customers names on the bill," said Patricia Andrews-Keenan, a Comcast spokeswoman.

Company officials went through the records and identified two people who were involved with the name change and fired them, Andrews-Keenan said. It's unknown why the employees did it.
In another case, Peoples Energy customer Jefferoy Barnes started getting letters addressed to "Jeffery Scrotum Bag Barnes."

"I had no bad words at all. I guess the earliest letter is dated in May and from then on up until now my name has been listed as Jeffery Scrotum Bag Barnes and I have no idea why."

Barnes said he received an apologetic call from a company official. He also has contacted an attorney to determine if he can take legal action.

A Peoples Energy spokeswoman called the letter inexcusable.

We are oficially changing our name to Fencing With Bitch Dog, but we are just waiting to get it cleared with Comcast.

Surprise! You're a Bigamist!

We have all contemplated the dangerous move of dating more than one person at the same time. How many of us have actually been able to make it work? We have, but we're kick ass. This guy below didn't have the same luck.

Some people bring flowers, others bring balloons. When Melvyn Reed's three wives showed up to visit him at the hospital, they brought an unexpected curtain call to his years as a double bigamist.

British police confirmed that after Melvyn Reed woke from his triple bypass heart operation earlier this year, his complicated marital affairs took a turn for a worse. All three of his spouses had turned up at the same time, despite his efforts to stagger their visits.

Media reports say that, upon realizing that something was amiss, the wives held a meeting in the parking lot, and learned that they were all married to the same man.

The 59-year-old company director from Kettering in central England turned himself into police on May 12 saying he was married to three women at the same time, and confessed to bigamy, an illegal offense in Britain, London's Metropolitan Police said in a statement.

A spokeswoman for the Crown Prosecution Service confirmed that Reed had turned himself in to police in Wimbledon, south London in the presence of his lawyer, and admitted he was a bigamist.

He pleaded guilty to two charges of bigamy on July 19 at the Wimbledon Magistrates' court, and was given a suspended sentence of four months in prison and ordered to pay 70 pounds ($126) in costs, police said.

It wasn't immediately possible to reach Reed or his three wives. A phone call to one of the women went unanswered. Reed's lawyer Laurence Grant was not immediately available at his office for comment.

The Metropolitan Police said Reed married his first wife, Jean Grafton, in 1966, then left her without divorcing her. He went on to marry Denise Harrington in 1998, then married Lyndsey Hutchinson in 2003.

British media have widely reported that Reed recently moved back in with his first wife, Grafton. They say she is the mother of his three grown children.

The Metropolitan Police said Harrington and Hutchinson had sought advice on getting their marriages annulled. But media reports say lawyers have advised the women that their marriages were never valid.

How is this possible? Two women, yeah, we can see that happenning, but isn't three a crowd. And how do you go through the whole courting process without getting caught. Wait a minute, what are we saying? We are currently dating six women, so we know this. Right?

WNBA Action

To anyone who disrespects the WNBA, we here at Fencing With Archers are here to tell you to back off. We do a lot of work with the WNBA, and we actually feel that the woman that participate in the league are some of the hardest working athletes in all of sport. The game isn't the same as the men's game, but it doesn't have to be because it is the highest level of women's basketball, not men's. Give it the respect it deserves. Why the rant? Because the picture above is really funny, and we just wanted to preface it with our opinions so people didn't think we were making fun of women. Were just making fun of giants. See how that works.

Attention Sports Fans

We here at Fencing With Archers are big sports fans, and one of us is a huge Lakers fan, so the trading for Kwame Brown, see picture, is a big move for our team. Kwame is a gamble, and if pulls the same hijinks in Los Angeles that he pulled in Washington, Lakers fans could end up like the gentleman in the following piece.

A man who got angry with his wife because she wanted to cuddle after sex when he wanted to watch sports on television was sentenced to death for killing her with a claw hammer.

Christopher Offord, 30, was sentenced Wednesday by Circuit Judge Dedee Costello, who said the brutality of the crime outweighed any mental problems Offord may have had.

“The defendant struck his wife approximately 70 individual blows after spending a happy interlude with her,” the judge said. “Her desire to cuddle after sex does not justify the extremely violent, brutal response of the defendant.”

Offord pleaded guilty to first-degree murder in the 2004 slaying of Dana Noser, 40, at his apartment.

He confessed to a bartender at a sports bar before his arrest. He told investigators that his wife had been nagging him to come back to bed.

Offord did not speak in court but said in a jailhouse interview in June: “I figured I killed her so I deserve to die.”

A Serious Post Today

We here at Fencing With Archers are all about the comedy, and delighting people with our awesome wit and kick ass style. Today, though, we really want to make a push to save the famed rock club CBGB. Since we are musicians ourselves, and many of the bands that we love got their start at this club, we have to get it out there. If you are in NYC, get out and support this:

Supporters of the famed rock club CBGB's are planning a last-ditch series of events to save the birthplace of punk.

There will be a show almost every night at the space during August, the last month of CBGB's lease, and a big event on the 31st at Washington Square Park, said singer/songwriter/"The Sopranos" star Little Steven Van Zandt, who has been involved in the preservation efforts for the last several weeks.

The club is in conflict with its landlord, the Bowery Residents Committee, over back rent and an increase to the monthly rental cost, which is about $19,000. The committee provides shelter for homeless people in the building that houses the club.

Van Zandt said a proposal was submitted to the landlord last week, offering to pay more rent and host events to raise money for the cause. He said no response to the proposal has been received.

A telephone call to the committee seeking comment was not immediately returned Monday.

CBGB's, with its familiar white awning, holds a special place in the city's music history. It was there that the Ramones, the Talking Heads and Blondie created the punk scene for small crowds that paid a $1 cover charge.

Get out there and support the cause of good music. If the Grand Old Opry can stay open, we need to keep CBGB open. Support by visting www.cbgb.com.

More funny later.