You Never Close Your Eyes Anymore...

We want to send some love out to the great city of Chicago. We love the Second City because of, well, the Second City Theater, the Cubs, the Bears, and the White Sox. What's odd is that Boys Town is not near US Celluar Field, where the White Sox play. In case you don't know, thats the general manager of the White Sox, Ozzie Guillen. Hey, whatever makes you happy right? We're not gay.

Good Choice

We here at Fencing With Archers are huge James Bond fans, and while we have loved Pierce Brosnan's take on the part, Sean Connery will forever be Bond. That being said, we are not too crazy over the new choice for Bond, Daniel Craig, and we are apparently not the only ones. The guy is apparently a puss, but don't take our word for it, take his.

They’re calling him Bland — James Bland.

Last week, actor Daniel Craig was named to replace Pierce Brosnan as Agent 007. Among the other actors eyed during the lengthy search, the producers reportedly found Hugh Jackman “too fey,” Colin Farrell “too sleazy,” Eric Bana “not handsome enough,” and 5’10” Ewan McGregor “too short,” according to an alleged memo picked up in the overseas press. But plenty of fans of the series are finding the “Layer Cake” star too unBond-like.

Craig — perhaps better known for dating Kate Moss and being briefly implicated in the breakup between Jude Law and Sienna Miller than for any of his movie roles — was introduced to the press last week when he was brought to a press conference on board a speedboat. But the daredevil quality of the stunt was completely undone when Craig appeared wearing a life jacket. Craig compounded the problem when he commented that the ride had scared “the [bleep] out of me.”

Craig’s often-stiff answers to reporters’ questions also did not impress. “Why do you want to play Bond?” the gum-chewing Craig was asked. “Why not?” he replied. “What are the reasons for Bond’s enduring popularity?” came a question. Craig replied: “I don’t know the answer to that.”

The London Mirror called the event “embarrassing.” Complained one Brit TV commentator: “He looks more like a banker than James Bond.” Some fans are even less enthused. “Daniel Craig will NOT be my James Bond,” lamented a poster at CommanderBond.net on a thread devoted to Craig-bashing. “I really want this to be a bad dream.”

We must say that anyone who doesn't know anything about Bond's enduring popularity, shouldn't be playing him, and we are glad to see that people and London are just as pathetic and lame as us, by posting nonsense on the web. Wait a minute...

Sorry We Messed Up Your Life!

We apologize for the delayed postings, but we have been overseas working on a story that is a little too ridiculous, even for us. Next time you feel like things aren't going so well for you, just remember that some people wer put in a mental institution for 50 years by mistake. Enjoy:

More than half-a-century ago, Machal Lalung was thought to be insane and sent to a mental asylum in India's remote northeast.

A few months ago, he was set free after the National Human Rights Commission found that healthcare authorities had made a mistake and Lalung suffered only from epilepsy.

Lalung's confinement for 54 years has shocked rights activists and mental health experts in a country where it is not uncommon for people to be branded insane and locked up in homes or asylums for months, if not a few years.

"Machal Lalung's case was not in our knowledge but once it was brought to our notice, we immediately completed all legal formalities to secure his release," Assam's Home Minister Rokybul Hussain told Reuters.

"I am really sorry for him," he said.

That comes as small consolation for the 77-year-old frail tribal man, who was 23 when he was sent to the state-run mental hospital in the Assamese city of Tezpur.

Fifty-four years with psychiatric patients has dulled his senses, made him forget his family, his tribal dialect and even the taste of the food he liked.

His life before entering the asylum is nothing but a blip in his memory. So is the story of how and who brought him to the mental home. Doctors who treated Lalung have retired and records about him are missing.

Today Lalung said he awaits peace in death.

"I feel sad at what happened to my life but there is no use grumbling now. I am just waiting for death," he told Reuters at his nephew's home in Silchang village, about 55 miles east of Assam's main city of Guwahati.

"Initially, I used to miss my family and always begged my wardens to send me home. But they never listened to me," he said with tears in his eyes.

Lalung's only family members -- his father and elder sister -- are dead. He lives with his sister's son who grew up listening to stories about his uncle's disappearance.

It was in fact the nephew who managed to trace Lalung after a man from their village had gone to the same mental hospital for treatment and saw Lalung.

"It was very difficult to stay with insane people in the same room but gradually I got used to it," Lalung said.

Today, despite his poor health, Lalung likes to work in a small vegetable garden outside the house, carrying a spade and a pouch containing a tobacco and betel nut snack to chew.

Although there were many women in the hospital, Lalung never tried to make friends with them or consider marriage.

"Who would want to marry an insane woman?" he asks.

Did we just say nut sack? We think that last question is very fitting. Who would want to marry an insane woman, indeed. Well, if she got an ass like JLO we'd hit it. What, what!