The Audition Let the the Dogs out!

We here at Fencing With Archers sometimes find ourselves being asked to audition for other artistic endavors. We are so awesome at music, and so electric that we sometimes get asked to audition for films. Here is one such request (this is real):

From: xxxxxxx@aol.com
Date: July 5, 2005 11:34:52 AM PDT
To: Fencing With Archers
Subject: Re: Hot Blonde Actress with blue or green eyes


You look really good that is exactly what I need for the lead role.

How is your voice?

I like good and loud voice when you do the monolog.

I am doing the finishing touches for the script now.

This is what I want you to prepare for the audition:

Prepare 2 monologs the first one is: 45 –60 second dog story, any story will do as long as is very motional & moving story that can actually move the audience and shake them up. The second mono

Is about: You are not a loser and why you are not a loser, this one is also 45-60 seconds, this
Mono also has to be very tense right to the point and must be believable.

Your acting must be very natural and believable, This 60 seconds can actually
Change your life destiny and take you to the top, your body and face expressions
Are very crucial when you are telling the story, you must be looking straight at the camera
And going your audition, you must memorize all your line.

If you do it well I will get you the lead role. Any dog story will do just make the audience feel what you feel.

It can be a story of a dog when you were a child. Good, happy, sad funny story is all fine
I personally think that you should make the audience cry with tears.

Feel free to call anytime ask me anything you want.
(You will have to memorize your monolog, so practice everyday okay)

I will definitely call you for audition mid July for sure.

Call me if you don't hear me by July 28 because sometimes

Emails can be lost.

Yes the story must be a bout a dog

The way you present it is your choice

Put all you talent in there, the way you

Say it and act and sing even, you have

To give your best that is how you will get

Ahead in life.
(None Sag)
P.S, Do the monolog like I tell you and I promise to make an international star.

/Executive Producer.

I will do my best to get you the role.
If wishes were horses beggars would ride.
If you want to succeed don’t be shy & never give up
Because it could be your luckiest day.
Go for the gusto.
Fix yourself up at the audition okay it is important
That you put your best clothes on and put on some
Make up, after all millions of people maybe watching you,
I really care about the actor and actresses that look after themselves.
When you look good you feel good.

From: Fencing With Archers
Date: July 5, 2005 11:54:52 AM PDT
To: xxxxxxx@aol.com

Dear sir,

As much as we love dogs and monologs about dogs, we must respectfully decline your request. First, your English is really bad. Not that we are the most eloquent people, but our heads started to hurt halfway through your e-mail. It's called Hooked on Phonics. Secondly, we are not a hot blonde woman. We have known many blonde women, because, we are a kick ass rock band, but we aren't actually one ourselves. I know it's easy to get that confused, but please don't.

Best of Luck on your search, and have fun doing it is whatever you do.

Sincerely,

Fencing With Archers.